We’re on the Eve of Destruction

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Today marked the end of my winter break and the six month anniversary since we left our Kiruv (Jewish Outreach) jobs in Los Angeles to start anew in San Diego. These are the two reasons why today should have been tough but thankfully I succeeded in shoving those pesky thoughts into the back of my mind so I could soak up the sun and enjoy ice cream, the beach, and a playground with my kiddies. It’s funny how in 2014 (!) Americans who are going through difficult financial times can still enjoy luxuries like cell phones and Starbucks. We stress about the future but when I take a second to look around at the here-and-now, I see we have it good. Still, many moments I’m not plugged into such present-mindedness and I worry.

Sometimes my husband and I lose our patience while waiting for The Answers. In case you don’t know, here are The Questions:

  1. Will he find a job?
  2. When?
  3. What?
  4. Where?
  5. Will he like it?
  6. Will it like him?
  7. Will it support us?

When we hit boiling point- when we feel like we’re on the eve of destruction– we brainstorm. My husband predictably mentions creating our own small business and buying a lottery ticket. I predictably suggest starting our own non-profit. Somehow by the time the kids are in bed for the evening, the momentum is lost and we apply for a few more jobs online, shoot out a couple emails, and call it a productive night.

While doing something dramatic to rescue us quickly from a panic is tempting, the small consistent effort we invest has to amount to something…right? Well, we’ll keep on trucking. Maybe a virtual fairy godmother will read this and pluck us out of our maze with a tweet, link, text, email, or status update that solves everything. Meantime, I’m hittin’ the hay to wake up for work tomorrow- a job that ends in June- gulp. Torah wisdom tell us that “salvation comes in the blink of an eye” and we learn from this to never despair in the face of imminent destruction. While it’s tempting to allow negative thoughts to creep in, particularly on a day like today, I have faith redemption is around the corner.

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